


It Was Like Falling In Love

by Renowitz



Category: The Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-23
Updated: 2015-07-23
Packaged: 2018-04-10 21:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4408829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Renowitz/pseuds/Renowitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After seeing Julian performing his stand-up routine, Noel seeks him out. They click. It's like two halves of something that was always meant to be together, finally came together. Fluff, drama, and heartache ensues as they try to figure out what such a strong connection means to them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Was Like Falling In Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first post on this site, I'm so used to other platforms that I'm not really sure if I'm even posting right haha.  
> I hope you enjoy!

“Coming at you like a beam, like a ray…”

A young Noel Fielding sat in the audience watching with great interest a man doing his stand-up comedy routine. Noel did stand-up as well, and he instantly recognized that they shared a similar sort of style. He never broke eye-contact, he knew from that moment that he had to talk to him. There was just something about watching him go through his routine that made Noel stop and think ‘hey this guy gets me’.

Julian Barratt, the comedian on stage was sweating nervously as he finished up his routine. He bowed and began to walk off, using his arm to wipe the sweat from his brow. Noel got up from his table and headed straight for Julian. He was almost too nervous to talk to him, it was almost like he was meeting a celebrity even though in reality Julian was the same as him.

“Alright, Julian was it?” Noel stretched out his hand.

“Yeah, Alright.” Julian took it and shook once. He was sweaty and a curl hung over his forehead as he reached for his drink.

“That was really great stuff up there, very funny.” Noel started anxiously. 

“Thanks.” Julian smiled shyly before swinging back his drink.

“I do stand-up too, although not as good as yours- but it is a very similar style. My name’s Noel by the way.” He sputtered anxiously and shoved his hands into his pockets. Julian looked him up and down and smiled.

“Nice to meet you Noel, I think I may have heard your name before.” 

“Really?” Noel was relieved, if Julian had heard of him then he seemed a lot less creepy coming up and talking to him. “Maybe we could do a show together?”

“Yeah, that’s not a bad idea. I’ve got a few things coming up, you never know.” Julian leaned his arm on the table and reached into his trouser pocket with his free hand. “You got a cellphone?”

“Yeah, do you want to swap numbers?” Noel was excited, this was going much better than he’d hoped.

“Yeah, I’ve got something next week but I don’t know if the one guy will make it so I may give you a call.” Julian handed the younger man his phone and Noel coughed up his own phone nervously. 

“I really appreciate that Julian, and I’ll do the same for you, yeah?” He grinned from ear to ear when Julian handed his phone back.

“Yeah. I’m glad you enjoyed the show- I’m going to head out now though, getting late. Thanks for coming.” And with that Julian shook Noel’s hand again and took off. Noel stood for a moment going through everything that was just said. He couldn’t believe that worked out so well. He wasn’t so much excited about a stand-up gig, but more-so at getting another chance to pick Julian’s brain. 

The week went by quickly and Noel thought of nothing else but Julian. He wasn’t sure if it was a mentor/hero worshipping feeling, or a crush at this point. He had always been really flip floppy with his sexual preferences- he didn’t so much care about the gender so much as he cared about their personality. Despite what little he actually knew about Julian he was able to deduce that yes, he did fancy him.

The night that Julian’s name flashed across Noel’s phone was the night Noel nearly died from a heart attack. He let out some kind of noise paired with a distressed face and he clutched the phone with both hands. It felt almost like he was in high school and his crush was making a move.

“Noel Fielding?”

“Noel, its Julian Barratt from the stand-up last week.” His voice was like warm silk coming out of the phone. 

“Alright Julian?”

“Alright. Listen, I was wondering if you would be available to stand in for my mate. He didn’t end up coming tonight and we need to fill up the bill.”

“Already got my coat and boots on.” Noel smiled into the phone as he jumped off his couch. He heard Julian laugh and it made his insides warm up. 

“Amazing, I owe you, Noel. Cheers.”

“Cheers.” There was a click and Noel slowly pulled away his phone. He was ecstatic, he quickly changed his clothes and ran out the front door without so much as a word.

Julian was standing by the bar having a pint while one of the first performers was doing his bit. He laughed a couple of times, sometimes genuinely and sometimes because it was polite to support your mates. Noel came quickly breathing heavily after a run.

“Glad you could make it!” Julian smiled. His eyes all but disappeared entirely into his cheeks. 

“Of course, I’m not skipping out on this opportunity.” Noel smiled back because he couldn’t help himself.

“So you’re going to go on after the next two, just before me.” 

“Just before you? Oh man, that’s a tasty slot, are you sure?” Noel asks carefully not wanting to step on anyone else’s toes. 

“Not getting stage fright, are you?” Julian laughed and patted Noel on the back.

“Naw, I’ll be fine.” He turned to the bar and ordered himself a pint.

The next few went by rather quickly, and Noel found himself having wonderfully pleasant conversations with Julian. They were cracking jokes and playing off each other as if they shared a brain. It was almost as if their mundane little conversation was a comedy routine that only they could enjoy. Then Noel was called onto the stage. 

He ran up and grabbed the microphone in one swipe and just jumped right into his routine. He moved around a lot, pulled a ton of laughs and really made the audience come alive. Julian found himself laughing and totally distracted by Noel’s routine. He couldn’t help but feel nervous about going on after though. Noel was slaying the crowd and he was starting to wonder how he would compete with that.

Noel bowed dramatically as his set finished and ran off stage smiling wickedly. Julian grinned from ear to ear as they neared each other.

“Fantastic.” Julian leaned in as he patted him on the shoulder on the way by.

“Thanks.” Noel blushed and looked back at Julian as he climbed onto the stage. He was proud that Julian had truly appreciated his stand-up. He was also happy that Julian could see just how alike their acts were without being the same.

Julian’s routine was great as usual, but he was nervous and it was obvious. After his routine he came down and met Noel by the bar.

“Remind me never to put you on BEFORE me.” He jested as he sat down on the stool.

“No way, they were loving it.” Noel smiled. The two men ordered another round.

They talked at that bar for hours. Discussing comedy, television and eventually music. Music was where they realized they had the most in common. They loved so many of the same people- including Gary Numan who they gushed about for well over an hour. It was almost like talking to the missing part of your brain for the first time ever and realizing ‘hey, you belong with me’.  
It was like falling in love.

Time dragged on and Julian and Noel had become quite the powerful duo. Neither one was seen without the other. They worked together, ate together, shopped together, even slept at each other’s places on a regular basis. They were addicted to each other, as if they were meant to come in a packaged set as children and had been together all this time.

Noel often finished Julian’s sentences and like-wise. The two of them were rarely able to do a job without the other. If Julian got a part in something- Noel was brought along too. If Noel was able to pick up a gig he refused to go on without Julian. There were odd times where they were unable to act together, but they always supported each other and name dropped at any opportunity. 

The two merged their acts together, deciding that their comedy would be at its full potential together. They called themselves the Mighty Boosh after an anecdote Noel told Julian about his brother’s hair style as a kid. They were known as such from that moment on. Their act became more of an epic after a while- they were drawn to the theater and wanted to make that work with their routine. 

They were pioneers on an epic journey to create a new style of comedy. One where there was no rules, and no one to reel them in. 

One night Julian and Noel were staying in at Noel’s place and having a few beers to some records. Julian was a very gifted museum and often pulled his guitar out to jam with Noel in the wee hours of the night. On this night the two had written several ridiculously silly songs that they nicknamed crimps. Noel would be warming a late night bowl of soup and suddenly it was a song now. 

Even when they were alone, they played off of each other so perfect. The chemistry was there, no other pair could be more perfectly suited for each other than the two man sitting on the floor of a London flat at 3:00 am in the morning.

“It’s getting late, I think I might go to bed. Are you staying tonight?” Noel stood up and stretched his arms. His small t-shirt lifted with them to reveal a small section of mid-drift. 

“Yeah, I don’t really feel like walking home now.” Julian sighed as he pulled himself of the ground. “Besides, I’ll just be back here tomorrow for lunch.” They both laughed.

“You could move in.” Noel laughed anxiously. He was serious, but he didn’t want to come off that way in case Julian was repulsed by the idea.

“Yeah, I don’t think that’s such a good idea.” Julian cleared his throat. “I mean, you’d need a break from me time to time. I can be a real asshole.” He laughed and looked at the ground uncomfortably.  
“Right.” Noel nodded and looked at the ground as well. 

“Alright then, good night.” Julian broke the quiet tension that was building up around them. He sunk down onto the couch and began propping the cushions onto one side.

“You don’t have to sleep out here.” Noel blurted awkwardly. He regretted the words as soon as they came out. What a strange thing for a man to say to his mate. Noel shifted awkwardly on his feet. “I mean, this couch is really uncomfortable it barely has any stuffing left in it. It’s all coils and lost dreams at this point.” Julian looked down at the beaten old couch and moved a bit to hear the squeaking and groaning of the springs. “I have a big enough bed that it wouldn’t be weird if you took half of it. We can even put a pillow between us if you feel weird about it.” Noel laughed, more for his own comfort than anything.

Julian looked at the ground as if he were contemplating the most difficult decision of his life. He bounced on the creaky couch once more before standing up. “Alright.” Noel tried not to look shocked, or excited, or a sick combination of the two. He simply nodded and headed to his bedroom. 

He turned on the light to find strange artworks and clothing sprawled all about the place. The bed in the middle was unmade and just as big as Noel had suggested. So big to the point of almost taking up the entire room. Julian came in awkwardly and made his way to the far side of the bed. He turned his back to Noel and pulled of his shirt. He was willowy and lean like a young tree. Noel turned his face away in an effort to not get caught gawking. If Julian saw him drooling he would be back on the couch in a flash. 

Noel pulled his own clothes off and hit the lights. The two men were in nothing more than their pants, illuminated by dozens of glow in the dark stars stuck to the ceiling.

“How do you sleep with that happening?” Julian gestured in the dark.

“They fade after a while, but I like to the feeling of falling asleep under a starry sky.” The two men crawled into the bed and stared at the ceiling.

“It’s a bit romantic.”

“Should I put the record on, set the mood?” Noel joked.

“Actually not a bad idea. Some soft jazz to lull us to sleep.”

“Jazz? I don’t think so. I’ll figure something else out.” Noel leaned over and began sorting through vinyl. He finally settled on one and began to play it quietly. The music was quiet but unmistakable.

“What is this, Foreigner?” Julian asked in the dark.

“Yepp.” Noel responded.

“Nice. Choice.” 

They lay quietly, now more awake than ever just listening to the song. ‘I’ve got nowhere left to hide, it looks like love has finally found me’ the record sang hauntingly. Noel turned his head to look at Julian. His eyes were open and staring at the ceiling, but he turned his head when he felt Noel’s eyes.

“Julian…”

“Yeah?” The air was heavy. Noel could feel his heart pounding in his chest like it wanted to hammer its way out. He could feel his body growing clammy as he stared into the other man’s eyes in the dark.  
“Does this feel… right to you somehow?” Noel asked, his voice sounding more sheepish than it ever had before. Julian didn’t answer right away. He was having difficulties wrapping his head around the question. Noel slid a hand to Julian’s side under the blanket to touch his hand. Julian didn’t flinch like Noel expected. He just stared at Noel like he was trying to solve a puzzle. 

Noel pulled himself closer to Julian. When no protest came, Noel pulled himself in further. Then further till they were wrapped up in each other’s limbs. Julian never said a word. Noel was feeling glee inside, like he had conquered Mount Everest, at this one little moment of intimate contact. He could feel Julian’s skin on his skin, and he could feel Julian’s heart beating like a jack rabbit. Julian breathed heavily as he stared unblinkingly into Noel’s eyes.  
“If you’re not comfortable with this just say so, okay?” Julian nodded silently. Noel smiled and touched a hand to his cheek. Time seemed to stop as Noel intended to go in for a kiss- but he was stopped short.

“Noel, I don’t think I can do that.” Seemed scared and apologetic. “I’m sorry, it’s just… a lot at once and I’m… not sure how I feel… I’m really confused by all these feelings.” Noel nodded and pushed himself back from Julian to give him more space.  
“I get it, I totally understand. I’m patient. We can stay friends for as long as you like… or indefinitely if that’s what it takes to keep you around.” Noel smiled sadly. Julian smiled back, then he rolled over and closed his eyes. Noel rolled over too, but his eyes were wide and staring into the darkness as he tried to figure out what had went wrong. 

\------------------------------------------------------

Months passed and nothing had seemed to have changed in their relationship since that night. Noel was convinced that Julian would come around at some point. He knew that if he just kept being patient and understanding, Julian would just admit to what he was. 

They got their comedy act signed to be a sitcom on BBC Three and the two were happy as clams putting it together. They took all their bits and put them into the script, along with newer bits and new characters. The show was their baby and they were ecstatic to see how well it was being received. Everyone was starting to figure out who they were, The Mighty Boosh was starting to become a household name. 

Everything was working out so perfectly, and Noel thought for sure that Julian was going to come around any day. They were pretty much living together, and sleeping together as they were always working on their scripts, but now it felt as though they were actually a real couple. It was all coming along smoothly up until Julian was asked to play a part in a TV movie called AD/BC. It was to be a Rock Opera and the idea was exciting to both of them.

“You have to do it Julian, this is the dream! Rock music and theatre!” Noel cheered. The two men were sitting in Julian’s flat having a beer at the kitchen table. “It won’t take much time up and we aren’t filing the Boosh right now. I say go for it!  
“You sure you won’t be upset?” Julian asked. He began picking at the label on his beer.

“No way! I’m really happy for you. You’ve always been the more theatrical type anyway.” 

“I’m sure they have other roles that you could fill. I heard Fulcher was asked- if that’s the case you can definitely get a part in it.” The two men smiled at each other in the silence.

“Thanks, Ju.” 

Julian barely had to twist anyone’s arm to get Noel into the TV move. They jumped at the chance to have him, and they gave him several rolls to fill. It was all going really well, and they were having a lot of fun filming. Noel was happy he had convinced Julian to take the role, not because it had helped him in the end, but because Julian was having such a good time. 

After a day of filming Noel and Julian came back to Noels place and put on a few records. Noel opened the fridge and grabbed a beer for each of them.

“Thanks.” Julian took the cold beverage in his hand and sat down on the couch. Noel sat on the floor and leaned against the coffee table. “Have you met Julia yet?” Julian asked randomly as he pulled on a loose thread on the couch.

“No I haven’t, is she the Innkeeper’s wife?” 

“Yeah.” Julian replied. “She’s really nice, funny too.” Noel nodded and looked awkwardly down at the table. He could see where this was going and didn’t really want to hear anything else about it.

“What do you think we’ll be filming tomorrow?” Noel began trying desperately to change the conversation.

“The bit at the table, you’ll be wearing that funny hat.”

Noel laughed. “Oh yeah, that’s great.”

“She asked me if I wanted to get a drink after shooting on Friday…” Julian stared blankly at his drink, a faint smile playing on his lips. “You think she’s interested?” Noel frowned but turned away so Julian couldn’t tell he was displeased. He tried to gather his composer.

“Of course she is, who wouldn’t be?” He tried to force a smile. “You’ve got this magnetic charm to you that brings people in… regardless of gender.” He forced himself to laugh as if he were joking, but he couldn’t help but feel a sting in his heart.

“Maybe I’ll say yes then… Worth a shot, right?” Julian smiled and tipped his beer into his mouth. Noel didn’t respond. He began peeling a piece of pressed wood off the side of the coffee table. Julian looked down at him. He could sense something was wrong, but he didn’t want to address it. He liked the way things were in their friendship, and although he knew Noel wanted something a bit more he just didn’t think he could give it to him. 

“I think I’m going to go to bed.” Noel said at last. He stood up and looked at Julian sadly. “Are you staying?” Julian thought for a moment. 

“No… I better head home tonight.” He answered at last. He stood up and headed for the door patting Noel on the back as he went. “See you tomorrow.” They both forced a toothless smile before Julian slipped out the door. 

Noel stood very still, his empty beer bottle hanging from his hand. Julian was never coming around… he was never going to be the kind of partner Noel wanted him to be. He clenched the bottle tight in his hand, he could feel the sting of tears behind his eyes. The room seemed to get warmer as the sadness and rage swept over Noel. He threw the bottle hard at the opposing wall and it smashed to pieces. He sobbed loudly and fell to his knees. His hands covered his face and he slowly toppled over onto the floor like a child.

“Fucking tit.” He spat into his hands angrily. He hated Julian for not seeing the obvious chemistry they had, or for choosing to ignore it. Or at least he wanted to hate him, he wanted to hate him so much but he just couldn’t. They were soul mates whether or not Julian wanted to be a part of it, and Noel couldn’t give him up.

If staying friends was the only way Noel could keep Julian in his life, then that’s what he was going to have to do. But he would never stop trying to win Julian over. 

\-----------------------------------------------

Things hadn’t been the same since Julia had come into their lives. Julian was spending a lot more time with her and they seemed to be getting serious. It was eating Noel up inside, and although he played it cool in front of everyone he was unable to hide his feeling in the way that he was writing his character. Everyone was saying that in this series Noel had just grown up a bit, but truly every mean comment or dick move Vince made was Noel venting the anger and frustration he had towards Julian. Off camera everything was laughs and smiles, and no one suspected anything more than just ‘that’s what the people want to see, that’s comedy’. 

Noel also began to change his appearance in the show to a more feminine look. He always dressed pretty eccentric but on the show he took it to another level. He had become ‘the confuser’. Always mistaken for a woman because of his lady like attire and heavy makeup. He figured if Julian was convinced he like women than Noel would try to be what he thought he wanted. 

When they wrote ‘The Legend of Old Gregg’ Julian thought the character of Gregg was hilarious and would instantly become popular. The funny voice Noel did alone was enough to crack him up. He never realized that Gregg was a representation of Noel and his feelings for Julian. A powerful love that was un-returned. As they went through the script Howard evaded every advance from Gregg and although it was funny to watch, it felt all too painfully real for Noel. 

That night, after filming Old Gregg Julian asked to come over to Noel’s for a drink. They didn’t do it so much anymore, and the question almost startled Noel. They sat in the living room with a record on and a beer in hand as they usually did. Julian sang along with the record quietly as Noel dug around for snacks.

“That bit of synchronized dancing was hilarious, people love that kind of stuff.” Noel laughed as he re-entered the room. He sat down on the carpet and handed Julian the bowl of popcorn. “Did you want to talk about the Milky-Joe script?”

“No, I think we got that one pretty nailed down… and if not we still have time to perfect it.” Julian replied taking a handful of popcorn and setting the bowl on the table.

“So…” Noel began.

“I know why you wanted to write Old Gregg like that.” Julian admitted cutting Noel off. “I’m not a total jerk off.” Noel began peeling the label off his bottle. “Noel, I know how you feel… I’ve always known… but you want from me, I just don’t think I can give.” Noel didn’t look at him, he just stared angrily at his bottle trying to fight the tears that were threatening to emerge. “Please understand, I do care for you. A lot. You know that. I love you Noel, but not quite in the same way that you want. We are best mates, practically brothers, and I don’t want to ruin what we have professionally…”

“Bullocks.” Noel spat angrily, but didn’t say more. Just began rocking slowly and looking as far away from Julian as he possibly could. Julian sighed deeply.  
“Alright maybe it wouldn’t effect that, but maybe it would.” Julian rubbed his temple as if he was suffering from a head-ache. “The bottom line is that I want to start a family Noel. I want to have kids with someone and raise them proper. Take them to football and go to school plays and all that.” 

“We could easily do that. Adoption, surrogacy. I’d be willing to do all that.” Noel interjected, his face was red and stained with tears. Julian’s face was twisted painfully at the site of Noel crying.  
“That’s not you, little man.” Julian reached a hand out but Noel slapped it away angrily.

“No, you don’t get to call me that now.” He said angrily and brought his knees up to hide his face.

“Noel… we both know I’m right. You aren’t the family man, suburban type. In some ways I just think we are too different, mostly in the ways we see our future.” Noel didn’t respond. Julian got up quietly and set his bottle on the kitchen table. “She’s pregnant… Julia.” Noel looked up. “We haven’t told anyone yet… but it’s twins.”

There was a painfully heavy silence in the room. Noel felt his entire world come crashing down. In his mind building exploded, cars collided, volcanoes exploded, all massive chaotic noise in his he’d while the room lay so painfully still. And Julian… just standing there awkwardly with one hand in his jean pocket, staring sadly.

“I… better head out, yeah?” He muttered so low quietly Noel almost didn’t hear. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” Julian crossed the room and slipped out the door without another sound. Noel stared at the empty space that Julian had occupied. Everything would change now… nothing could ever be like it was in the beginning. They were no longer a double act, they were just two mates that did a show together.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Months passed. Noel attempted to get over Julian with whatever means necessary. He started seeing a girl around the time they started filming Season 3 of their show. She was a great girl, and Noel really took to her- but being back on set with Julian brought back all those painful feelings. Julia was getting close to her due date with the twins, and the reminder of their birth made Noel anxious.

The scripts were getting darker now. They weren’t writing in the fun casual way they had in the past. It was more like work now and there was a lot of hard feelings floating about. Noel’s character was branching out further than before and trying to create all this space between himself and Julian’s character. There was still fun moments here and there, but it was over powered by the overwhelming tension between them.

Vince would do terrible things to Howard in the show and Julian just rolled with it knowing that as long as it was funny, Noel could vent however he wanted. Howard had become a sad, pathetic, lonely old-man virgin type character, and Vince was some sort of bratty, selfish, child that constantly did things regardless of how they affected others. The season went by quickly, and they knew it was going to be their last. Noel worried that once the show was over that Julian would cut ties with him. That was when he decided to add a few changes to the script of ‘The Party.” It was supposed to be an episode where Julian’s character endured the most humiliation, and Noel was beginning to feel guilty about that.

They would kiss… and not just a peck on the cheek like friends, but a full on make-out session. Julian was half-heartedly against the idea at first but Noel had convinced the other comedians that it would be hilarious and totally what the audience is begging for. There was no fighting it, everyone was giving it the green light and he didn’t want to have to say why he didn’t want to do it. On the day of the big kiss Julian tried to mentally prepare himself.

He reminded himself that he was a professional actor and that he could do whatever role he put his mind too. Kissing in acting happened all the time and never meant anything- but in this case it would be the hardest thing that Julian would ever have to do. He avoided talking to Noel about it as he knew it would probably start a serious discussion he didn’t want to have. 

As they sat there on the roof, Julian began his inner mantra to get him focused and keep his anxiety down. Noel sat close to him and giggled nervously at the director and crew. He looked beautiful in his light flowing costume and done up makeup. The two of them understood that this was a huge moment that could change everything and the weight of that was pressing down on them and making them both clammy. Noel saw it as his last desperate chance to win Julian over. Julian saw it as a test of his morals.  
The director, Paul, called action and suddenly it was all happening. 

“I am, I’ll prove it to you.” Noel says his line, his heart is going crazy. He adds and extra ‘huh?’ To prepare himself before throwing himself at Julian. Julian was focusing really hard on his character. ‘What would Howard be doing with his face right now?’ he pondered with ragged breaths. He then felt Noel grab him and pull him into the kiss. 

Noel’s lips were unexpectedly soft. Julian tried to shake that thought out of his head as he tried to figure out what he should be doing with his limbs. He figured if he thought about moving his limbs enough he wouldn’t dwell on the kiss so much. Noel kissed as though it was going to be his last kiss ever, in all his life. He held Julian to his lips almost forcefully, and for a minute, Julian pulled Noel closer. Noel slid his tongue into Julian’s mouth and Julian instinctively opened his mouth wider to respond with his own tongue. He quickly questioned the move and went more ridged, moving his arms about mechanically. Finally Noel pulled away. Julian sat blank faced, as if he had been shown some mortal sin he was never meant to see. Noel smiled sheepishly and wiped his wet lips with his hand. He had put all his best moves into that kiss, tongue, teeth, suckling, and he knew Julian liked it.

“Okay we’re going to have to do it again, I need to get it from the other side.” Paul called out while they moved the camera. Noel laughed anxiously but Julian was frozen as if he couldn’t possibly go through it again.  
“We will prove it!” Noel shouted as he leaned in. He wasn’t about to give Julian any time to think this time, he could tell Julian was panicking and he didn’t want to give him any time to reject the scene.

“Wha-? Julian started before Noel cut him off with his lips. Noel gave it all his feeling, running his hands along Julian’s face. Julian was more ridged this time. His mouth was responding, but his eyes were wide open is if he were focusing on pure thoughts of ‘straightness’. He barely was able to move his arms his time, he just stared wide eyed. He tried not to think about Noel’s tongue running across his lip, he tried not to feel Noel’s fingers rubbing against his stubble and most importantly he tried to fight the any signs of arousal. If he were to stand up with a semi everyone would know and he’d be humiliated, so he just stared with the intense concentration. Noel opened his eyes briefly when it felt like Julia was pulling back. He quickly kissed along his jaw line, not at all ready to give up this moment. He knew Julian was mentally shutting down- they had been able to read each other so easily for so long that it was obvious to Noel what was happening. 

Julian sat stone faced. Noel pulled away and laughed awkwardly. Julian looked like he just realized that everything he had ever known was wrong, that or he was trying to think about gross things to make an erection disappear. 

“Can we have one more go at that…” The director asked. Noel laughed again but Julian just shook his wide-eyed head like one more kiss like that would kill him. “…Keep your hands a bit low.” The director continued.

“Oh no.” Noel muttered and let out another laugh. He fixed his hair and looked at Julian to see if he might be able to get away with another long kiss. Julian looked horrified. He was clearly going through an inner crisis and Noel was a good enough friend to recognize when enough was enough. Noel turned back to the director. “You’re such a queer.” he laughed to relieve the tension. 

“Fuck off Paul,” Julian managed as he tried to regain his masculine composer. “Moving on.” He never blinked. He felt guilty. He felt like he had just committed a heinous crime… and liked it. He didn’t want to like it, he didn’t want to admit he liked it, but it woke something up inside him. It woke up all the buried feelings that he had felt for Noel all along and chose to ignore. 

Noel jumped off of the roof and headed towards the bathroom. It wasn’t exactly the result he was hoping for, but he didn’t really know what he was expecting to happen. For years Julian couldn’t come to terms with his feelings, and Noel had just made a last stitch effort to force it onto him. It was probably the dumbest move he could make looking back. Now he wasn’t sure Julian would ever want to work with him again. It was all well and good when Noel wasn’t acting on his feelings, but now Julian would probably feel threatened.

Noel ran his hands through his hair in an effort to de-stress himself. One of the ‘behind the scenes’ camera men was heading his way and he knew he couldn’t avoid having to talk about the scene. 

“How was shooting that? A bit weird for you or…?” The camera man asked peeking at Noel through the lens of his camera. Noel tried not to make eye contact as he continued walking. Cameras were notoriously good at catching human emotion, and he didn’t want to come of disappointed. 

“We’ve kissed loads of times before...” He wasn’t sure why he said that. Maybe he was trying to be funny, but it was more like he didn’t want anyone to think he’d been rejected by Julian. It should not have been weird for actors as linked as they were to make out for the show, and yet Julian’s reaction was so intense right in front of everyone. It was an embarrassing rejection for Noel. They should have been laughing it off together, but it was just too real. “I just didn’t want to give him this because it’s pretty nasty…” He lied trying to force a sniffle. He wasn’t sick, but he needed to come up with some reason why the scene wasn’t very successful. 

Noel looked over his shoulder at Julian who was standing alone pouring himself a coffee. Everyone was giving him space and it was obvious he was agitated and stressed. He put 4 lumps of sugar into his coffee before stirring viciously. Noel Looked away. “…So I was trying not to fucking totally tongue him.” He stretched awkwardly trying to shake out the anxiety and frustration he was feeling.

“You’re not very well at the moment?” The camera man asked curiously. He knew Noel probably wasn’t sick.

“No, I’ve got the Lurgey.” Noel forced a laugh. He couldn’t resist making a joke, especially when he was in pain. The cameraman laughed and Noel took that as his cue to walk away. He didn’t feel like talking about the kiss any more.

\------------------------------------------------

That night Julian lay awake thinking about the kiss. Any day now, his twin boys would be delivered. He was going to be a father… and all he could think about was how those boys would feel about their big bisexual father. He couldn’t just turn around and run off with Noel into the sunset, he had responsibilities. He had a duty to Julia, and a duty to his boys. The awakening of his senses had come too late, and he would have to bury it down deep again where he found it.

The room was dark and hot. He stared at the ceiling for what seemed like hours for some sort of answer to appear. He leaned over and switched on the radio in the hopes that it would relax him. Foreigner was playing… the same song as the night him and Noel had first realized there was something more between them.

“I gotta take a little time, a little time to think things over. I better read between the lines in case I need it when I’m older. Now this mountain I must climb feels like the world upon my shoulders. Through the clouds I see love shine, it keeps me warm as life grows colder.”

The song mocked him with its painful accurate lyrics. He shifted uncomfortable in his sheets and rolled onto his side. He tried to close his eyes and relax but the song went on.

“I wanna take a little time, a little time to look around me. I’ve got nowhere left to hide it looks like love has finally found me.”

He let out an irritated sigh and opened his eyes again. He spotted a picture of him and Noel taped to his mirror where they were hugging and laughing recklessly. How could he have been so stupid? Noel had loved him all along, he had been his greatest admirer, and Julian shunned his affections. 

The song slid into its chorus: “I want to know what love is, I want you to show me…” Julian threw his blankets off and tossed on a pair of jeans. He wasn’t sure what he was doing, but he felt like he had to do something. He pulled on a nearby t-shirt and left the flat. His radio still playing the ballad.

\--------------------------------------

Noel was painting late into the night. He had so many feelings that he just needed to get out, 17 canvases worth to be exact. They were scattered all over the flat like an art exhibition. He had Van Halen’s Why Can’t This Be Love at the loudest possible volume he could get it at and was bobbing furiously to the song. 

“It’s got what it takes, so tell me why can’t this be love? Straight from the heart, tell me why can’t this be love?” he sang into his paint brush aggressively as the music vibrated the room. A cluster of beer bottles sat nearby clinking together as the music pierced through them. One vibrated right off the table and smashed on the ground. Noel didn’t hear it, he was now playing his paint brush like a guitar and whipping his long hair around. “I tell myself: hey, only fools rush in, and only time will tell if we stand the test of time…” He kicked over his coffee table with the remaining beer bottles on it and entered the guitar solo as if he were live in front of thousands. His eyes were closed as he let the music heal him of his immense heart ache. He didn’t want to care about Julian any more. 

“Woo!” Noel hollered as he kicked over a lamp aggressively. He threw his head back and thrusted an arm into the air. “I gotta to know why- can’t this be love?” The song began to fade out and Noel dropped his head. He opened his eyes and grabbed his half-full beer from a nearby stool and brought it to his lips. That’s when he noticed Julian standing silently at the door.

Silence hung in the air. 

“What are you doing here?” Noel asked setting down the beer. Julian didn’t answer, he charged at Noel with passion and a fire in his eyes. He brought his hands up to cup Noel’s face gently and kissed him hard and passionately. He kissed him like he should have kissed him earlier that day. Noel’s body relaxed and leaned into Julian’s. 

Julian pulled away breathlessly and scanned Noel’s face as if he were reading it for signs of something unknown. Then went in for another passionate kiss. Noel’s heart fluttered happily in his chest. It felt like it had finally been given the nourishment it needed all along. Julian pulled away again and dropped his hands. They were standing nose to nose, breathing heavily. 

“I love you. I was stupid and wrong, and it was always you, and I love you, Noel.” He confessed. Noel began tearing up and pulled the bigger close. 

“I would have waited forever.” Noel whispered. It was Julian now who was beginning to tear up. Noel pulled back and the two man looked into each other’s teary faces. 

“I’m a massive gay-ist!” Julian laughed but it made the tears come out. Noel laughed too and they kissed again. It was like being cleansed. All those feelings of rage, frustration and sadness were all just washing away as if they were never there to begin with. Long overdue, but here at last and they enjoyed the moment like nothing else in the world mattered.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
